Have you ever been asked, “How are you?” and felt a twinge of annoyance? I have. It’s a question that seems simple but often feels loaded. It’s not that I’m anti-social or rude. It’s just that this question, as innocent as it seems, can be surprisingly complicated.

A Better Alternative to Start Conversations:

Instead of the routine “How are you?”, I find it more uplifting when someone begins a conversation with a positive statement or a well-wish. Imagine replacing the usual greeting with “I hope you’re in good spirits today” or “I wish you a day full of joy and health.” Such expressions feel like small prayers, casting a positive light right at the outset. It sets a tone of care and goodwill, making the interaction more meaningful from the start. Let’s normalize using these affirmative greetings as conversation openers, not just as afterthoughts or closing remarks.

Why “How Are You?” Bothers Me:

1. It Feels Superficial:
   Often, when someone asks, “How are you?” it feels like they’re just following a script. It’s like when you pass someone in the hallway and they ask without even stopping to hear your answer. It feels insincere, like they’re asking out of obligation rather than genuine interest.
2. The Pressure to Say “I’m Fine”
   Society has conditioned us to respond with “I’m fine,” even when we’re anything but. It’s as if there’s an unwritten rule that you should not burden others with your true feelings in casual conversation. This pressure can be suffocating, especially on days when I’m struggling. This expectation reminds me of a lesson from my college mentor. He always encouraged honesty, saying, “Just say the truth. If you’re feeling sick, say it; if you’re not well, say it. Humans don’t have fine days every day.” This advice struck me deeply. Why should we mask our true feelings in a veil of societal norms?
3. It’s a Reminder of My Struggles:
   Whenever someone asks me how I am, it forces me to reflect on my actual state. There are days when I’m battling personal issues, and this question is a stark reminder of my struggles. It’s like an invitation to confront emotions or situations I’m not ready to face.
4. The Lack of a Genuine Connection:
   This question often misses the opportunity for a real, meaningful conversation. It’s like skimming the surface of a lake without ever diving in. I crave conversations with depth, where both people genuinely want to understand and support each other.

What I Wish People Would Ask Instead:

1. “What’s been on your mind lately?”
   This question invites a more thoughtful response and shows that the person is interested in what’s actually happening in my life.
2. “Have you had any highlights (or challenges) this week?”
   It’s a more specific question that allows me to share both the good and the tough aspects of my week without the pressure of sounding ‘fine.’
3. “Is there anything you’re looking forward to?”
   This question helps shift the focus to something positive and future-oriented, which can be uplifting.

I understand that “How are you?” is deeply ingrained in our social interactions, and people don’t usually mean any harm by it. But for me, it’s a question that feels empty and sometimes even a little painful. I yearn for conversations that cut through the superficial layer and touch the heart of real human experience. By starting our interactions with a positive wish or expression, we can bring a little more sincerity and warmth into our daily exchanges. Let’s embrace honesty and sincerity in how we greet and talk to each other.

~ Reen

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